One Direction:
There
comes a time in every young girl’s life when they fall for a boy. She sees the
young boy every day and tries her very best to remember the sweet, velvet sound
of his voice. She gets so obsessed with this boy that she thinks she’s in love,
that nothing can come between them. She kisses a picture of him good-night,
hoping that he would soon notice her. She knows anything and everything that
has to do him, stuff that even his own mother wouldn’t know. She has fallen for
a celebrity.
Louis
Tomlinson, Zayn Malik, Liam Payne, Niall Horan, and Harry Styles, to me, you
five are that “celebrity” that I’ve fallen in love with. The funny thing about
my relationship with you is that it’s different than the relationship the young
girls hope for. For those little girls, they are love-struck with your
popularity, while, for me, I am truly in love with you all.
I fell
in love with the fact that you see the beauty in everyone and everything. You
see the beauty in your fans. You call them passionate rather than crazy. You
talk to them from your hotel rooms. You make sure they’re safe while waiting to
see you. You give them the hope and love any young girl or teenage girl yearns
for. Happiness. You make them happy. You make me happy.
I fell
in love with your personalities and your smiles. I fell in love with the way
you five acted towards each other. I fell in love with your voices. But mostly,
I fell in love with the way you made me feel like I was meant to be someone,
the way you made believe I was beautiful, the way you made me feel safe. I fell
in love with the way the five of you saved my life.
Three
years ago, I was slipping into a very bad place. I would look in the mirror and
get disgusted with myself (I’m what you would call chubby and not that very
attractive). I found myself often comparing myself to models and people at my
school. I never did anything right at home nor did I have amazing grades like
my brother did. I wasn’t near as smart as he was and he told me that all the
time. My grandparents would send newspaper clippings to my mom about obesity
and diabetes, and exercise and weight loss to show to me. I never felt so bad
before until I saw those clippings. I know my body isn’t the right size for my
height but they made it seem like I liked living this way and made me feel even
worse about myself. I felt cornered and had no one to talk to. I only had one
good friend but she was fighting her own battles, and I wasn’t social enough to
talk to anyone else. I felt and was alone.
I was
depressed. My grades took a turn for the worse and I could barely get out of
bed for school. I put on a smile and pretended everything was okay when I went
to school and when I was around my friends (It was rare to see me with anyone
but the one friend I was talking about before). I was so good at it. No one
ever thought that there was anything wrong with me. At night, I would cry
myself to sleep and imagine a life where I was perfect in every way. But when
reality hit, my perfect world went away.
I heard
about you over twitter and decided it wouldn’t hurt to look you up on YouTube.
I fell in love instantly. I watched all your video diaries and your
performances on X Factor, and it changed my life. Your video diaries got me to
really laugh for the first time in months and it was a nice feeling. I listened
to your performances over and over again for months and months as I waited
patiently for your first single, album, anything. For the first time, I felt
like myself and that’s all I ever wanted. I just wanted to love myself.
When
“What Makes You Beautiful” was released, I thought that I was truly beautiful.
I listened to that song on repeat for weeks before I got the courage to start
living my life the way I wanted to. My grades got better and I smiled all the
time. It was, for once, my real smile. I felt on top of the world. I felt like
nothing could stop me from being happy.
Love
ruined my happiness this time. I was head-over-heels in love with one of my
brother’s friends. He was so nice to me. The way I felt around him was
different than any feelings I’ve ever had before. I honestly thought it was
love at first sight for me. Not so much for him. When he looked at me, it felt
like he was looking right through me, like I was invisible. But when I realized
he didn’t feel the same way about me, I felt worthless and thought that no one
would love me. Depression was becoming a very close friend of mine. I tried
listening to “What Makes You Beautiful” like I did before. It didn’t have an
effect on me like the first time I turned to it for happiness.
Instead,
I watched your video diaries and your performances on the X Factor again, and I
listened to the whole album of “Up All Night” on a daily basis. After a little
while, I was myself again. And then “Take Me Home” was released and I felt on
top of the world once more. “Little Things” had the most impact on me and I’m
not quite sure why, but it did. It was the same way with “Kiss You” and “Live
While We’re Young.” All your songs made me feel like the teenager I wanted to
be instead of the one that I was becoming. I took control of everything that
was happening to me and made it positive.
“Midnight
Memories” is by far the best album you’ve written. Every single song is
relatable. When I feel myself going to a bad place, all I have to do is listen
to “Diana.” It feels like that song was written for me, even though I know it
wasn’t because I know I’m not the only one in a bad place. And saying that it
was somehow written for me might make me seem a little selfish because a lot of
other people are in far worse places than I am, but if being selfish saves my
life, then selfish is what I’ll be. When I listen to that song, I can actually
imagine you five coming to my rescue. “Diana” is the hand that is pushing me
away from the edge.
However,
I have come to realize that I’ve been influenced by you all too much. I have
come to realize that I can’t think I’m beautiful just because four British guys
and one Irish guy tell me that I am. Well, you never really told me I am, but
that’s how I portray it in “What Makes You Beautiful.” I need to be able to
realize it on my own. You helped me through depression, problems with my
family, and facing my first heartbreak. But, what you can’t help me do is feel
beautiful. Trust me, I’ve tried and tried to convince myself that you think I’m
beautiful, that all girls are. Let’s face it, you can’t say that. You’ve never
met us, never met me. You don’t know our
problems. You don’t truly know if we’re beautiful or not.
I
decided to tell you MY story because I believe you have the right to know how
you’ve helped me. I also decided to tell you MY story because, in a weird way,
I think of you as my best friends. And, honestly, I couldn’t imagine any other
guys being my friend’s like you’ve been to me. But, I mainly told you MY story
because of what I said about being “beautiful” and how you don’t truly know if
someone is beautiful. Now, you know my problems and what all I’ve been through.
Maybe now, I can truly be beautiful in someone’s eyes.
I told
you all of this because this is an appreciation letter and a thank you letter
wrapped into one. I don’t think of you five as saving my life. It’s more like
you gave me the strength to save my own life. I was headed down a dark path
before I heard about you. Who knows where I would be if you all were never on
the X Factor, and I don’t really want to think about that. You gave me the strength to realize that I
needed to love myself before I could go out and chase my dreams. And that’s
what I’m doing. I graduated high school in the top 50 of my class with an
Honor’s Diploma. I’m in college now, Ball State University, working on my
degree in Creative Writing and Journalism. I’m happy about where my life is at
the moment and it’s because of all of you.
So,
Harry Styles, Niall Horan, Liam Payne, Zayn Malik, and Louis Tomlinson, thank
you so much for giving me the strength to be myself. Thank you for being there
when no one else was. Thank you for showing me that life is worth living. Thank
you for telling me to chase my dreams. And, lastly, thank you for helping me
feel beautiful inside and out. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.
Thank you all for being who you are.
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