Friday, July 19, 2013

The Real Me

                Walking across the Convention Center stage in my oversized golden graduation gown, I looked into the crowd of my peers and smiled. It was finally happening that I was leaving the one place where I couldn’t be myself. The high school was the only place where I felt pain. I was too afraid to show people the real me. I was too afraid to be unique and stand out. I cared too much about what people thought of me. And it controlled my life.
The thing is I wasn’t like those really shy people. I let everyone know that I knew the answer to a math question and I let them think I was brilliant. When in reality, it took me twenty minutes to get the answer to that question. I didn’t like getting up in front of the class to present a project or to answer a question. Sometimes my nerves got so bad that I would speak really fast and not breathe. Other times, I would shake uncontrollably. I hated having all eyes on me.  It felt like I was being watched.
I lived my life the way I thought fit me best. I was an outsider during school but at home I was myself. I had no confidence and I had no desire to obtain it. I didn’t know what I would do with myself if I had confidence and someone took it away from me. So, instead, I had none. Someone can’t take something away from you when you never had it in the first place, right? But I didn’t feel bad about myself, either.
For as long as I can remember, I’ve been fighting an extensive war with being overweight. I can’t recall a time when I was made fun of because I was chubbier than the other girls. Throughout high school, I can’t count on my fingers how many different diets I tried. It was pretty pitiful. I counted calories, I counted fat, and I counted carbs! You name it, I counted it. And then I got an iPhone. I got the Lose It! app and lost five pounds in two weeks. Not too shabby, eh? But it didn’t last long. I got too lazy to exercise or worry about calories. In March of senior year, I signed up for weight watchers and lost twenty pounds in a month. It was absolutely amazing. I felt better about myself. But with finals and graduation, stress eating became my hobby. I gained ten of my twenty-five pounds back. I felt disgusting. My parents were disappointed in me for giving up and not trying hard enough. But I was more disappointed in myself for letting them down.

Friday, July 12, 2013

The Imperfectly Perfect Relationship

                  Jay and Annette had the perfect relationship. He was the quarterback of the football team and she was the valedictorian. He made multiple touch downs and she made straight-A’s. He stood with the “it” crowd and she stood with the nerds. He dated pretty blondes and she dated no one. He only existed in her dreams and she only existed when he needed help with schoolwork. They were complete opposites who fell deeply in love.
            It was as if faith was pushing them together all four years of high school. Jay and Annette had homeroom together and at least one other class together all four years yet he had no idea who she was. She knew who he was. Who didn’t know who he was? She was his biggest fan. She knew everything about him, from when his birthday was to his favorite food. She knew absolutely everything.
            Senior year is when it all happened. Annette got her braces off and grew into her nose, and became one of the most attractive girls in Cornell High School. Still, Jay had no idea who she was. She was invisible in his eyes and was about ready to give up on her crush when, on one fateful day, they were partnered up together for an end-of-the-year project.
            “Hey, I’m Jay.” He said when he sat down next to her.
            “Yeah, I know.” She said.
            “I’m sorry but I don’t know who you are.”
            She snorted. “Annette Washington. And, I’ve only been in your homeroom all four years.”
            “I know you! You look different.” He said.
            "I've grown up. High school does that to a person." She said.
            "High school has been very nice to you."
            "Thanks . . . I think." She shook her head. "How about we start this project?"
             They worked day and night on the school project. Annette wanted to keep her straight-A's but she was finding that terribly difficult to do with the love of her love sitting next to her. She knew that the crush she had on Jay was absurd but she couldn't help it. Love was love and she was determined to do something about it. She took a bold step and invited him over to her house to work instead of working at his house.
             "Are these pictures of you as a baby?" He asked.
             "I think I should have reminded my dad to take those down." She said.
             "No, they're cute. I like seeing this side of my friends."
             "Oh. I didn't know we were friends."
             "Of course we are!" He said.
             "Two weeks ago you didn't know who I was. Now we're friends? The last time I checked, we're partners." She said.
             "I knew who you were."
             "Then why did you act like you had no idea who I was?"
             "Because I didn't want you to know that I asked Mrs. Timms to partner us together." He confessed.
             "This isn't making any sense. Why would you ask her to put us together?" She asked.
             "I have two reasons why, actually. Firstly, you're the valedictorian, and secondly, I've had a crush on you for the longest time."
             "Is this a cruel joke or a bet?" She asked.
             "I've done a lot of bad things in my past but I would never do that to anyone. I promise." He said.
             "This is unreal." She said.
             "What are you talking about?"
             "I've liked you since the first day of homeroom together but you acted like I didn't exist. Why now the sudden interest?"
             "I guess high school has been good to me too. I'm not an immature freshman anymore. I've changed. And for the better." He said.
             "What did you think you could accomplish by asking to work with me?" She asked.
             "A chance. That's all I wanted."
             "A chance at what?"
             "Okay, you're extremely stupid for an extremely smart girl. I like you. I want to date you. I want a chance with you." He said.
              She smiled. "I think you just lost your chance when you called me stupid."
             "Really?" He asked.
             "No."
             He smiled and they finished their project. After a short time of dating secretly, they decided to take their love public. It was by far the best high school love story at Cornell High. I don't know where they are now but I know they are in love and will forever be in love. 

Thursday, July 11, 2013

Prom

          There was a time in my life when Prom was all I thought about. I hated the fact that I wasn't asked when I was a Freshman or a Sophomore. By the time I was a Junior, I didn't want to go. There was just something about not going with a date that made it less spectacular. I wanted to feel like a princess in my gown, walking into Prom with a prince that had rescued me from my lonely and pathetic life. I always thought it would be one of the "popular" guys. I guess I forgot that they were shallow as all get out.
           Senior year rolled around and there was no way to get out of Prom again. My mother made me promise that I would go Senior year. I was put through multiple hours of agony, trying on dress after dress, dreading the way I looked in all of them. Three hours were spent in David Bridal's looking for dresses that didn't fit me right. My sister found her perfect dress. Oh! I forgot to mention that I was forced to take my Sophomore sister. It was pretty sad that she found her dress before I did. Later that day, we made our way to Deb, where I found the perfect dress. It was mint green with pearls and jewels on the straps. I instantly fell in love with the dress.
          For month's after finding the perfect dress, the weeks were filled with buying my Prom tickets and my post-prom tickets, finding the right nail salon, and picking the hair-style that worked best with my hair. My best friend, sister, my sister's best friend, and I decided to go in a huge group. We adopted two more people into the group and voted my parents to drive us to the hotel. We ate at Red Robins before getting dressed all fancy-like and then went back home and got ready. It was endless picture taking before getting in the van to go. It was hell getting in and out of the van with my body-length dress and heels.
           We stood in line for a good half-hour before getting tested for alcohol and finding a table to take my devil shoes off. My best friend and I met up with some friends and headed to the dance floor. It was odd at first, we were too embarrassed to dance. After a few hours, we broke out of our shells and started dancing. It was hard to stop. The entire time while dancing, I wished that I had a date to grind on like the rest of the girls were doing with their boyfriends. I would have given anything to have been swept off my feet by the prince I've been wishing for since day one.
             The night was coming to an end and still no prince, no grinding, and no wish come true. Sure, I was having fun with my best friend, but I couldn't help but think it would have been better with a date.  
            "Excuse me, Johanna?"
            I turned to see a guy standing behind me with his hand stretched out towards me.
            "Yes?"
            "May I have this dance?"
            "I don't know who you are."
            "Does it matter?"
            "I guess not. Sure."
             He might not have been my prince nor did I ever find out who he was but he made my night ten times better just by asking me to dance. Prom night ended on a great note.

Monday, July 8, 2013

Fireworks

            I dreamed of my first kiss since I was a little girl. Princess movies and love stories helped me fantasize the perfect kiss. At first, I wanted to have my first kiss under the moonlight during a picnic date. I had everything planned, from the type of sandwiches we would eat to which way our heads would be tilted. I imagined fireworks going off in my head as my knee would bend backward.
            After my fantasy to have my first kiss under the moonlight, I imagined something a little more realistic. I saw my first kiss in the high school parking lot in front of his car, in front of all his friends to see. There were still fireworks and my leg bending upwards. It was the perfect time for a first kiss. It was romantic and so much more.
            I met Brandon in health class. I don’t think I’ve met anyone like him before in my life. She was sweet and funny, adorable and handsome. He reminded me a little of Nolan Funk, with his lightly colored hair and his facial features. He even had a mole above his mouth. Brandon was my celebrity crush in a non-famous form. He made it very difficult for me to hide my affection for him. He knew exactly how to get a reaction out of me.
            “Hey, want to work together on this book assignment?” He touched my arm.
            I looked up and bit my tongue. “Thank you for the offer but I think I’m going to work on this alone.” I said.
            “Come on. It’ll make this go by a lot faster.” He moved his thumb in circles on my arm.
            I gave in and we worked together for the first time and out relationship started to bloom. We saw each other in secret; it wasn’t something we could celebrate in public because of his friends. Let me just say, I wasn’t the most attractive or skinniest person in the school but I was the only one who didn’t care about what I looked like or what I wore. I think Brandon called it “down to earth.”  
            It was pretty tough watching him get invited all these parties I wasn’t invited to with some girl I didn’t know, knowing that I could never be the one to go with him. I made a quick decision and decided it was time to set him free. I couldn’t handle having some blonde bimbo hang all over him while I sit at home and hope that I still had a boyfriend.
            “Brandon, this really isn’t working anymore.” I confessed.
            “What are you talking about? Our relationship hasn’t been better until now.” He said.
            “This isn’t a relationship. This is a fling.”
            “A fling?”
            “Yes, a fling. We don’t go out in public for our dates and I’m tired of ordering take-out and watching movies I’ve already seen before. And, I don’t know how much longer I can watch you go to a party with another girl.” I said.            
            “Kaela, this isn’t a fling. If this were a fling, then I wouldn’t have the strong feelings for you that I do. This is love.” He took my hands.
            “I wouldn’t be in this much pain if this is love. If this is what love truly is, then I don’t want it.”
            I walked out of health and didn’t look back. It wasn’t worth the pain to stay with him when he obviously didn’t care about my feelings. I used to think that the one person I loved more than world itself would want to show me off and not keep me locked in my room like I’m some sort of a monster.
            I should’ve seen through how he treated me so nicely. I don’t know why I thought a relationship with him would work. We came from different worlds. We were like the Greasers and the Socs. I was a Greaser and he was a Soc. It would be better for the both of us if it stayed that way. Yet, he was so persistent in trying to make it work between us. I refused the entire time.
            It wasn’t until the Homecoming dance that he proved that the love he had for me was pure. “Please, will you go to the Homecoming dance with me?” He asked.
            “No.” I said.
            “Please attend the dance with me.”
            “No.”
            “Kaela, I know what I did was wrong but, please, let me make it up to you. You deserve it.” He said.
            “Well, I’m not going to the dance. Take Clover. Don’t you take her to all the other parties?” I accused. “Don’t worry about me. I’m a big girl.”
             He didn’t ask me again. He didn’t even talk to me, oh no, he just stared from afar. I guess I shouldn’t have been surprised when he showed up at my house the night of the Homecoming dance.
            “I really don’t understand why you’re here, Brandon. I told you I wasn’t going to the dance and it would be better if I didn’t go with you so you don’t lose your friends, and Clover can actually think she has a chance with—”
            He kissed me and it was unexpected yet wonderful. “Now that was worth the wait.”
            He planted a few tiny kisses on my lips and took my hands. “Brandon, this shouldn’t be happening.” I said.
            “Why can’t you just let us be in love? I’m trying really hard to make up for what I’ve done. I want to attend this dance with you. I want all my friends to meet the girl I’ve fallen deeply in love with.” He said.
            “Are you sure you’re willing to lose friends over this?”
            “If they can’t see why I fell in love with you, then they are no friend of mine.”
            I agreed to go to the dance with him. No one questioned why we were together and Clover didn’t come near us. We danced at all times and he didn’t let me dance with anyone but him. We snuck out of the dance when it was time to name king and queen.
            “Don’t you want to know if you won?” I asked.
            “And leave you? No.” He smiled.
            “I don’t want you to miss out on being king!”
            “Being with you, I already feel like a king.”
            “I love you, Brandon.” I said.
            “Not near as much as I love you.”
             He kissed me under the moonlight and fireworks were set off in my head. My leg bent behind me, making my kiss the best one I’ve ever had and more. 

Wednesday, July 3, 2013

Follow Your Heart

            All my life I’ve wished that one guy would fall for me. Just one guy that would make me feel beautiful and loved. Someone I could tell all my secrets to without judgment and love me anyway. Oddly enough, I’ve dreamed of the moment when I’m swept off my feet by the man of my dreams. I mean, what girl doesn’t?
            Well, everything I’ve dreamed of came true twice! Both at the same time. Conor Owens, the one person I’ve had a crush on since the first day of middle school, finally realized that I exist. We worked together innocently on a one-day project for our AP Calculus class. I don’t know why or how it happened but it happened and it was nice. He treated me like a princess when I didn’t make him upset or when we didn't have a fight. He made me feel like I was the only woman in the world to him. He was truly what I’ve dreamt about.
            And then there’s Keller James. You could call him the “bad boy” of our school. He has tattoos and rides a motorcycle. He skips classes that he doesn’t like and he smokes. In all honesty, I don’t know why I fell for him. I guess the “bad boy” spell really is true. I knew from the moment I tripped and bumped into him that he could be the one. And all of a sudden I had two prom dates and a week to decide between the two. A hard decision it was.
            “Mom, what am I supposed to do? I like both of them.” I said.
            “Kara, honey, I can’t tell you what to do. You have to make that decision by yourself.” She said.
            “I can’t choose one over the other! The dates I’ve been on with both of them were amazing. How am I supposed to choose?”
            “I know from experience, I had to choose between your father and another man, and I love the decision I made.” She said.
            “How’d you do it?” I asked.
            “I followed my heart and you should do the same.”
            I took my mom’s advice and started thinking. Who did I have the most fun with? Who did I laugh the most with? Who did I meet first? Who asked me to prom first? The answers to all those questions was Conor. I can’t remember a time I had fun with Keller. I was attracted to him because he was a bad boy and gorgeous.
            I sighed and made my decision. I knew who I wanted and needed to be with. It was a simple answer and I knew it all along.
            I saw him at his locker and walked over to him. “Hey, Kara,” He said. “what’s up?”
            “I’ve made my decision for prom.” I said.
            “And I’m guessing it’s not me?”
            “Actually, Conor, I’m here to tell you that I want to go to prom with you.”
            He had the biggest smile on his face and asked me about the color of my dress. Prom was amazing and I felt like a princess. I don’t think I would’ve had the same experience if I went with Keller. 

Monday, July 1, 2013

The Perfect Cut

                Being an aspiring actress is not an easy life style. I ended up all by myself when I made my decision to move away from my family. Thankfully, I got my cosmetology license when I was in high school. It made getting a job a lot easier and paying for school a lot faster. I had bought myself an apartment and paid for my schooling within a month of starting my job at Great Clips. It was probably the best decision I ever made.
            Every day, I got used to seeing celebrities and almost celebrities. But nothing surprised me more than when he walked through the doors of Great Clips and asked for me. Me. I’ve never seen this guy before in my life but he seemed to know who I was. Because of how odd I thought it was, and a little bit creepy, I took my time with the customer I was with.
            Let me tell you about this guy. He stood at six feet tall with shirt brown hair. He wore his glasses into the store and I was unable to see the color of his eyes. I thought they were hazel. I have this “sixth” sense and I know, depending on their physical nature, what color their eyes are. I have this thing for hazel-eyed men. It’s actually more like an obsession. Anyway, he was built and chiseled, and his smile made me swoon. It was love at first sight.
            I finished with my first customer and walked up to the screen. I made a clicking noise. “Is Jo here?” I asked. Radio silence.
            “Emery, you have a customer who has requested your service.” Josie said.
            I looked at the screen. “Bryan?”
            He stood up and I almost fell over. I could see his abs and muscles through his tight white shirt. I snapped out of the trance he put me in and cut his hair. I did what he wanted and made no conversation with him. I wanted a clean break. There’s no way I would see him again. It’s like an once-in-a-lifetime kind of thing. At least, I hoped so.
            For three months, he continuously came to get his haircut by me. And slowly our relationship started to blossom. It was small talk at first. How long have you been in town? What do you do for a living? Was haircutting your first choice for a job? Are you famous like most of the people who live here? I fell more and more in love with him as the months wore on. But there was still that nagging question of how he knew me before we met.
            “Bryan, why did you request me to cut your hair?” I asked.
            “Because a buddy of mine told me that you’re the best. He wasn’t lying.”
            “I don’t know if I remember your friend.”
            “I don’t expect you too. I just want you to remember me.” He smiled his gorgeous smile.
            “Believe me, I won’t forget you. No matter how hard I try.” I said.
            That was the last time I saw Bryan. He told me that we were getting too close and he wasn’t good at commitment and he didn’t want to hurt me. I guess I understood but either way, he hurt me.

            Maybe all I was to him was a perfect haircut.