Gone in an Instant

                Ever look at someone and your day gets better? Whether it’s in person or through a picture, seeing his smile takes me to a whole other universe. Never in my life did I imagine I could be capable enough to love someone else like I do him. Just looking into his eyes makes my heart grow wider with compassion, with love. Running my hands through his 80s styled hair makes me feel like he’s really mine, makes this love real.

            Nolan was never one for public display of affection but because I loved holding hands and having his arms around me, he changed. He did everything in his power to make me happy. He used to tell me “If you’re happy, then I’m happy.” He even stopped hanging out with his friends because they were rude to my face and behind my back. I told him he didn’t have to let his friends go, that he just needed to be with them more and with me less. He didn’t believe me nor did he want to hear what I was saying. He chose me and that’s all that mattered.

            Not three months into our relationship and Nolan was taken from me. He was driving me home from our movie date night when a car slammed into us head-on. All I can remember was the force of the front of the car slamming into my body to where I was unable to breathe. The last thing I saw before blacking out was Nolan’s hand fitting into my waiting hand.

            When I came to, I was in a hospital room with stupid, annoying beeping and blinking lights. The first thing that came to mind was Nolan. Of course my mother told me to go back to sleep, but I couldn’t sleep without knowing if Nolan was all right. They wouldn’t tell me anything until I took more pain medication. The doctor told me that the impact of his head on the steering wheel gave him a brain hemorrhage. He died on the way to the hospital.

              Life without Nolan was a life without living. I couldn’t go to school because everything and everyone reminded me of him. I couldn’t sleep in my room because picture of him were everywhere. I couldn’t sleep at night because I had reoccurring nightmares of that night. My mom thought I was suicidal and my friends thought I was a zombie. I was a living ghost of who I used to be. After all, who I used to be died  when my other half died.